How long should a eulogy be?

Five to seven minutes — about 700 to 1,000 words spoken. With several speakers, three to four minutes each. Time it aloud once.

Is it all right to be funny in a eulogy?

Yes, and the room is usually grateful. A true, small, funny story about the person is often the moment people remember. Put it second, after the room has settled, and let it show who they were rather than performing.

What if I cry and cannot finish?

Stop, breathe, drink water; the room will wait. Give a printed copy to someone beforehand with 'if I can't finish, please read from here.' Then nothing can go wrong.

Should the eulogy be printed in the funeral program?

Often a shortened version is, on the tributes page or under 'Her Life'. The longer programs on this site have a page for it, and the editor warns if it runs long.

Can I read a poem instead of writing a eulogy?

You can, but a minute of your own words before or after it is what people come for. Choose a short one; the verse library has readings under a minute.

What to Say in a Eulogy: Structure, Openings, Length

How to write and deliver a eulogy in a day: a five-part structure, how long it should run, openings that work, what to leave out, and how to get through it.

Friends raising a toast on a rooftop at dusk — The stories are the eulogy.

You have been asked to speak because you knew them, not because you are a speaker. That is the whole qualification. A good eulogy is five to seven minutes, tells two or three true stories, and ends on something the room can carry out of the door. Here is how to write one by tomorrow.

The structure that works

Who you are to them. One sentence: "I'm Sarah, Tom's daughter." The room needs it and it steadies you.
One line that says who they were. Not a list of jobs — the thing everyone in the room already knows and will nod at. "Dad never took the short way anywhere." "Mom fed people. That is the whole of it."
Two or three stories. Small ones. The time he drove four hours to bring a forgotten passport. The way she corrected your grammar at your own wedding. Each story should show the line from step two without saying so. Aim for a minute each.
What they leave behind. Not possessions — habits, phrases, the way the grandchildren say a word, the garden that comes back every spring.
The ending. Address them directly, or give the room one thing to do: "Take the long way home tonight." "Call your mother." Then stop. Do not add "thank you for listening"; sit down while the last line is still in the air.

How long

Five to seven minutes, which is 700 to 1,000 words at a speaking pace. If several people are speaking, three to four minutes each. Nobody has ever wished a eulogy were longer; everyone has wished one were shorter. Time it aloud once.

Openings that work

"My father had three rules, and I broke all of them by the time I was twelve."
"If Mom were here she would already have told me to speak up and stand straight, so: hello, I'm Anne."
"The last thing Walt fixed was our screen door, on Tuesday. He fixed things. I want to tell you about three of them."
"I have known Judy for forty years and I still cannot tell you what she did for a living, because she never once made it the point."

What to leave out

A chronological résumé — the obituary has that. Inside jokes only four people understand. Old grievances, however settled. Anything about the illness or the last days unless it is a single sentence of gratitude to the people who helped. Long quotations; one line of a poem or a verse is plenty, and the verse library has short ones. Promises about heaven that not everyone in the room shares, unless it was the person's own faith, in which case say it in their words.

Getting through it

Print it in large type, double-spaced, on paper, not a phone. Mark the places to breathe. Put the funniest story second, not first, so the room has warmed up. If you break, stop, breathe, drink water — the room will wait and nobody will think less of you; most people are relieved that someone said it out loud. Have a backup: hand a copy to a sibling or the officiant with "if I can't finish, please read from here." Then you cannot fail.

A eulogy for someone difficult

Not every relationship was easy, and the room usually knows it. You do not have to lie and you do not have to settle accounts. Choose the true things you can say — a skill, a kindness to someone else, the way they loved the dog — and say those. "He was not an easy man, and he was ours" is a complete and honest sentence that has ended many good eulogies.

If the eulogy will be printed, the program has a page for it: the eight- and twelve-page programs carry a tributes page and a page headed His Life or Her Life where a shortened eulogy fits well. Create the program and paste it in; the editor tells you when it runs long. See also how to write an obituary and funeral program wording.

Questions

How long should a eulogy be?: Five to seven minutes — about 700 to 1,000 words spoken. With several speakers, three to four minutes each. Time it aloud once.
Is it all right to be funny in a eulogy?: Yes, and the room is usually grateful. A true, small, funny story about the person is often the moment people remember. Put it second, after the room has settled, and let it show who they were rather than performing.
What if I cry and cannot finish?: Stop, breathe, drink water; the room will wait. Give a printed copy to someone beforehand with 'if I can't finish, please read from here.' Then nothing can go wrong.
Should the eulogy be printed in the funeral program?: Often a shortened version is, on the tributes page or under 'Her Life'. The longer programs on this site have a page for it, and the editor warns if it runs long.
Can I read a poem instead of writing a eulogy?: You can, but a minute of your own words before or after it is what people come for. Choose a short one; the verse library has readings under a minute.

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